Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I need a massage for my brain.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Social media is mental suicide.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,259

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Making waves on Messenger:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Going viral on YouTube:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Trending via Slack:

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Making waves on Twitch:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Just shared via TikTok:

Never trust a wet fart.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who needs a week to recover from it all? 🙈😂 #VitaminsCanOnlyDoSoMuch"

after, bathroom, bathroom mirror, girl, hangover, help, humor, mirror, morning, morning after, party, party weekend, self-care, vitamins, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

0

2 months ago

academic, article, claims, cool, ever, found, humor, irony, joke, perfectly, research, scholarly, sex, topic
I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

0

2 months ago

before, cop, drive, driving, enforcement, humor, i, law, law enforcement, police, question, roundabout, traffic, wonder
My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

0

2 months ago

behavior, dogs, f-word, floor, food, hear, humor, kitchen, pet, pet behavior
“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward conversation, conversation, funny question, going, grandparents, hate, heaven, humor, i, oh, okay, question, small, small talk, talk, think
I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

0

2 months ago

computer, found, freezing, humor, i, joke, open, technology, troubleshooting, window
Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

0

2 months ago

addiction, addiction humor, break, break time, breaks, cook, every, gambling, give, hour, humor, i, job, job break, jobs, minutes, only, parlay, should, smoking, time, why, work, work humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on YouTube this month:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

40 shares on X this month:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

69 shares on X this month:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

70 shares on Discord this month:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Trending via WeChat:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Trending via Slack:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨