Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,703

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Trending via Instagram:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Making waves on YouTube:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my CV doubles as a bedtime story! 📜😴📚

9, company, CV, exaggeration, good, humor, job, job search, months, nine, nine months, reading, resume, search, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

0

2 months ago

attraction, dating, dilemma, ethics, flirtation, humor, humor quote, lust, man, morality, over, relationships, romantic, romantic dilemma, thing
“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

0

2 months ago

action, choices, commitment, consequence, consequences, date, destiny, humor, i, irony, life, life choices, relationship, well
I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

0

4 months ago

academic, academic validation, advice, getting, hobby, humor, i, life, life advice, love, recommend, recommendation, romantic, romantic love, validation
You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

0

2 months ago

approval, ask, call, confidence, dating, girls, humor, i, me, parental, parental approval, parents, sarcasm, scare, situation, social, social situation, teenage, used, wit
I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

0

2 months ago

cleanliness, family, house, humor, i, kicking, kids, parenting, spotless, struggle, want, wrong
Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

0

2 months ago

ask, before, breakfast, celebration, day, family, fun, humor, joke, letting, little, longer, morning, mother’s, Mother’s Day, sleep, wake, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on X this month:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

97 shares on X this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

62 shares on Threads this month:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

49 shares on Slack this month:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Shared recently on TikTok:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Going viral on Threads:

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Trending via Reddit:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Making waves on X:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Going viral on YouTube:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Trending via WhatsApp:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨