Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Trending via Snapchat:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Trending via Slack:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Just shared via Twitch:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Just shared via Reddit:

January is the Monday of the year.

Live now on Discord:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Breaking via Discord:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who needs a GPS when you've got a toddler with 20/20 vision? 😂👓🦁

asked, back, came, funny moment, glasses, happening, humor, i, joke, left, literally, misunderstanding, moment, parenting, room, said, today, toddler, zoo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

0

2 months ago

alert, bracelet, ever, humor, i, irony, just, life, life alert, notification, notified, self-deprecation
You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkwardness, cause, comparison, ever, feel, humor, know, retail, shopping, situation, social, social situation, store, store comparison, Target, Walmart
Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

0

2 months ago

acceptable, dad, family, humor, i, life, never, sneeze, volume
A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

0

2 months ago

asking, awkward, awkward situation, fact, full, fun, fun fact, haunted, haunted house, house, humor, icebreaker, interaction, just, people, room, situation, social, social interaction, tell, yourself
No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

0

3 days ago

awkwardness, eye, eyes, humor, just, no rizz, pretty, pretty eye, rizz, say, self-deprecating, thing, things, unsettling, unsettling thing
We literally used to write an essay by hand.

0

4 months ago

education, essay, hand, handwriting, humor, literally, memory, nostalgia, old, old school, school, used, writing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

61 shares on X this month:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Trending via TikTok:

Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Making waves on Discord:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Shared recently on Instagram:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Making waves on Discord:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨