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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has viewed:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has shared:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didnโ€™t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said โ€œEat Pasta Run Fasta,โ€ and I canโ€™t get it out of my head.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I donโ€™t even know how to fight these allegations.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

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One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks Iโ€™m dumb.

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks Iโ€™m dumb.

Commentary:
When you catch a liar in the act, but they still think they're in the Olympics of deception ๐Ÿ…๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™‚๏ธ

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

Thereโ€™s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ถ has shared:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has downloaded:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ต has copied:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has shared:

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.