Commentary:
Amen to that! I'm totally on board with spending a few bucks to avoid assembling another piece of confusing furniture. 🛋️🤣🛠️
When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.
Commentary:
And I used to resist my future life goals… guess I peaked in kindergarten! 😴🏡🍏🌙
The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.
Commentary:
Pasta steam facial: zero dollars, maximum relaxation 😉🍝💨
Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.
Commentary:
Tick-tock, gentlemen! Better bring your 'A' game before the clock strikes "Sorry, time's up!" 🕰️😆✨
Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.
Commentary:
Ah, yes, nothing like choosing your own adventure just to discover you've picked the scenic route to Regretville! 😅🗺️🤦♂️
Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.
Commentary:
Instagram: where the grass is greener and the filters are stronger 😂📸🌳
Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Commentary:
Ah, the joys of collecting a personal gallery of future ghost stories 👻👥 #GhostedByMy20s
Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.
Commentary:
Guess that means I'm officially part water now… mermaid transformation begins! 🧜♂️💧
I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.
Commentary:
Time flies when you're busy doing absolutely nothing! 😂⏰🛋️
I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.
Commentary:
Zooming past like I'm in a sidewalk Grand Prix! 🚶♂️💨🏆 Sorry, geriatric league! 😅