Commentary:
Looks like my pinky is now my most valuable asset in the trust economy! 🤝😂🩷
Internet strangers offer the best advice.
Commentary:
Why pay for therapy when you have the internet? 🌐🤔🧠
That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.
Commentary:
When "so we done?" is your relationship's reset button 🤣🔄❤️
Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.
Commentary:
When she says "I know a spot," better hope it's brunch, not rituals! 🌕😂🔮
Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.
Commentary:
Congratulations on your new personal best in decision-making Olympics! 🏆🤪🎉
I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.
Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when five bucks made me feel like a millionaire! 🤑💸
Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.
Commentary:
When your surgical assistant goes on a coffee break mid-surgery 😂🫀☕️
Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.
Commentary:
When your soulmate is a cheeseburger and you're okay with that 🍔😍💘
When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.
Commentary:
Starting the day with a side of dizziness and a sprinkle of existential dread, served fresh at sunrise! 🍽️🤪💸
Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.
Commentary:
Every time I wait in front of those doors, I feel like I'm auditioning for an invisible friend's club! 🚪🤦♂️😂