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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Trending via Messenger:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Just landed via Slack:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Trending via Reddit:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Just landed via Snapchat:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Making waves on Slack:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your brain is hosting its own debate club! 🤔🧠🎤

argue, argument, conversation, debate, head, humor, imagination, inner, inner voice, life, me, mental, mental debate, mind, people, real, voice

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

0

2 months ago

actually, couch, exercise, humor, i, laziness, me, procrastination, protection, under, workout
Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

0

2 months ago

best, best friend, choice, crazy, friend, friends, friendship, humor, know, loyalty, public, still
Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

0

2 months ago

food, humor, i, large, none, pizza, poem, red, relationship, roses, roses are red, sauce, snack, too
Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

0

3 weeks ago

another, barber, conversation, customer, etiquette, getting, haircut, humor, own, please, social, social etiquette, started, talk, talking
Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

0

2 weeks ago

digital, digital rental, entertainment, frustration, humor, looking, movie, online, online shopping, oops, pay, prime, Prime Video, rental, say, shopping, streaming, subscription, video
Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

0

2 months ago

am, appearance, confidence, gatekeeping, handsome, humor, humor about looks, i, looking, looks, self-deprecating, shit, time, vanity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

15 shares on Discord this month:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

37 shares on Discord this month:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

37 shares on Discord this month:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Going bananas on Slack:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Breaking via TikTok:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.

Freshly posted on X:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Going viral on Facebook:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Live now on LinkedIn:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨