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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,466

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

Just landed via TikTok:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Making waves on Reddit:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Trending via WhatsApp:

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Spotted on Messenger:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Trending via Threads:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

2 months ago

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Ah, the good old days when you could plan a whole meal during a song download… 🍕📥😅

5, downloading, internet, internet speed, minutes, nostalgia, patience, progress, remember, song, speed, technology, under

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28 shares on Reddit this month:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

74 shares on Discord this month:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

47 shares on Slack this month:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

55 shares on Threads this month:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

56 shares on Discord this month:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

85 shares on Messenger this month:

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Seen just now on Telegram:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Live now on X:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Freshly posted on Slack:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Shared recently on Instagram:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

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Activity Log ✨

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

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Activity Log ✨

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Keep the laugh going 😂

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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