Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Coffee is just goth water.