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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

4,049

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Just landed via Discord:

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

Spotted on YouTube:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Making waves on X:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Seen just now on Discord:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Spotted on X:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

7 days ago

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Commentary:
Trying to drop my comedy masterpiece before it gets buried in GIFs 😂🤣🎤

active, babe, before, change, chat, conversation, group, group chat, humor, joke, media, relationship, right, social, social media, sorry, texting, timing, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

2 months ago

bad, bad idea, beach, dog, funny situation, humor, idea, pet, shark, situation
As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

1 month ago

bedtime, confused, confusion, daytime, humor, i, leisure, lifestyle, pajamas, retiree, sometimes
Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

1 month ago

absurdity, beginning, confusion, existential, going, hell, humor, life, people, questions, time, wondering
Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

2 months ago

activity, child, cleaning, fun, fun activity, home, organization, parent, parents, playdate, socialization, visit
You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

5 months ago

35, advice, age, aging, bathroom, before, better, bladder, funny advice, health, humor, leave, over, pee, routine, while
I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

1 month ago

annoyance, disgusting, even, fly, hands, hate, humor, i, insect, little, open, plotting, rub, together, window

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Going bananas on Threads:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Live now on WeChat:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Making waves on Discord:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Making waves on TikTok:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

A real smartphone would cut you off.

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Activity Log ✨

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏