This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

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You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

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Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

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Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

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Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

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Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

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Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

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I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

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Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

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You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

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My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.