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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

401 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,670

Funny Quotes Topics

17,703

Funny Quotes Images

15,670

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Going bananas on X:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Just shared via Threads:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Making waves on Reddit:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Going viral on WeChat:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Live now on Threads:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Just landed via Pinterest:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

Just landed via WeChat:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like this post needs a helping thumb! 👍😄

casual, casual language, humor, language, media, motivation, post, procrastination, social, social media

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

2 months ago

awful, fitness, healthy, humor, i, irony, walk, walking, zomby
Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

2 months ago

aunt, communication, cousin, died, family, gossip, humorous, humorous observation, husband, just, know, mom, neighbor, neighbors, observation, should, thought
Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

2 months ago

acting, babe, communication, delusion, humor, misunderstanding, partner, relationship, right
Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

2 months ago

again, apple, brightness, frustration, humor, just, permission, technology, turn, turned
A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

2 months ago

clean, evening, good, hack, house, lights, tidy, turn
Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

2 months ago

bottle, childhood, drop, humor, nostalgia, parents, phone, school, snacks, survival, us, used, water, water bottle

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Slack this month:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

81 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

24 shares on X this month:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

92 shares on Slack this month:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Just landed via Instagram:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Just shared via Discord:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Live now on Messenger:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Trending via Telegram:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨