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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,994

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Going viral on Twitch:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Trending via Twitch:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Finding clothes while thrifting: when you either look like a gladiator or a toddler playing dress-up! 🛍️🤣👗

awesome, big, big guy, body, body size, clothing, clothing size, fashion, guy, guys, humor, shopping, size, small, small woman, thrift, woman, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

1 month ago
animals, cat, eat, flakes, food, frosted, Frosted Flakes, God, going, humor, invention, likes, okay, tiger
Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

1 month ago
communication, email, emails, greetings, happiness, happy, hope, humor, i, sarcasm, sign, sign off, start, well, workplace
I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

1 month ago
bed, body, early, getting, humor, morning, nonsense, struggle
I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

1 month ago
came, communication, humor, i, relationship, sigh, subtitles, wife, wish
You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

1 month ago
car, handbag, heavy, humor, only, passenger, realization, realize, seatbelt, weight
I avoid drama by being unpopular.

1 month ago
avoid, avoidance, being, drama, humor, i, introversion, life, relationships, social, social life, unpopular

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Spotted on Instagram:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Spotted on Slack:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Just landed via TikTok:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

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Activity Log ✨

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

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Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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