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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Freshly posted on X:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Spotted on Slack:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Just landed via Threads:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Making waves on Threads:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll have to settle for a snowcone instead of a cake slice 😂☃️🍰

cake, exaggeration, food, food shortage, house, humor, i, middle, never, perish, shortage, situation, snowstorm, survival, unexpected, unexpected situation, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

0

2 months ago

alone, answer, aspiration, child, childhood, grow, grow up, humor, i, left, question, right, wanted
One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

0

2 months ago

aging, burner, carefree, change, day, favorite, humor, life, life stages, next, stages, stove, stove burner, young, youth
Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

0

3 weeks ago

complain, cute, humor, i, irony, kid, kids, parent, spoil, spoiled
Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, begging, communication, hands, humor, knees, man, me, relationship, talk, texting
A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

0

2 months ago

before, contribution, crypto, crypto trader, ethic, every, garbageman, humor, lifetime, lunch, op-ed, op-ed writer, single, society, trader, work, work ethic, writer
I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

0

5 months ago

apology, awkward, awkward moment, clothes, flirting, funny phrase, humor, i, line, moment, phrase, pickup, pickup line, said, sexy, sexy time, sorry, still, time, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Discord this month:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

This year, the feliz is not navidading.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Making waves on Reddit:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Going viral on Facebook:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Just shared via Threads:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Going viral on Instagram:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

Live now on Slack:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Shared recently on YouTube:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Just landed via Pinterest:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Breaking via X:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨