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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,623

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Just landed via Facebook:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Seen just now on X:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Trending via Telegram:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Live now on Instagram:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Making waves on Snapchat:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Just landed via Instagram:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

2 months ago

0

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I don't believe you don't believe' move. It's like a philosophical mind twister! 🤯🤔 Who knew doubting beliefs could be so meta? 😄 #AtheistMindGames"

atheist, belief, believe, conversation, humor, i, irony, joke, skepticism, well, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

0

2 months ago

absence, apparently, boss, coming, excuse, honesty, humor, i, just, reason, today, unemployment, want, why, work, workplace
I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, city, comedy, humor, i, jealousy, luxury, money, much, satire, sex, show, TV, TV Show, upset, watch
“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

0

2 months ago

average, books, CEO, else, humor, nothing, productivity, reading, sarcasm, time, year
I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

0

2 months ago

i, invite, me, people, take, turn
It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

0

2 months ago

adult, adults, childhood, dire, growing, growing up, humor, i, intelligence, interesting, kid, learning, most, observation, sarcasm, situation, smart, think
I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

0

1 month ago

8, absolutely, anything, bed, bedtime, before, except, exhaustion, going, hours, humor, i, irony, joke, need, procrastination, sleep, tiredness, wake

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

14 shares on X this month:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

42 shares on Slack this month:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

30 shares on Discord this month:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

14 folks are currently checking 👀

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,359

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

Just landed via YouTube:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Trending via Facebook:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Spreading quickly via X:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Just shared via Messenger:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Just landed via Slack:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Just shared via Messenger:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Making waves on WeChat:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

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