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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Spotted on Reddit:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Making waves on Messenger:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Spotted on Pinterest:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Making waves on Slack:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about beauty and honesty, featuring witty, playful words on a humorous tone.

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Commentary:
Ew: the ultimate superpower for deflecting weirdos. 💁‍♀️🦸‍♀️🦹‍♀️

beautiful, beautiful woman, confidence, ew, expression, humor, most, power, powerful, reaction, say, sometimes, thing, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

3 days ago

another, charger, everyday, everyday struggle, exaggeration, frustration, help, humor, item, lying, missing, missing item, phone, phone charger, room, struggle, tech, tech frustration
I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

2 weeks ago

80s, ambition, Congress, hit, humor, i, politics, retirement, run, running, wait
True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

2 weeks ago

comfort, freedom, humor, life, luxury, relaxation, self, sleeping, true, wake, waking, yourself
What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

4 days ago

best, criticism, crying, easily, employment, handle, humor, irony, job, laughter, sensitivity, someone
I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

3 days ago

banana, bananas, dim, fruit, fun, humor, i, joke, just, light, love, metaphor, never, over, playful, smoothie, take, whole
I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

2 weeks ago

bustle, dally, dilly, humor, hustle, i, laziness, procrastination, relaxation

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

71 shares on Facebook this month:

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

83 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

44 shares on Twitch this month:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Going bananas on Telegram:

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Breaking via TikTok:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Going viral on Twitch:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Making waves on Messenger:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Making waves on Facebook:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Making waves on Messenger:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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