Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Trending via Discord:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Going bananas on X:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Spotted on WeChat:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Making waves on WeChat:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Trending via Facebook:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah yes, the classic "texting energy crisis" – it's like the battery icon in my brain is perpetually on 10% 🤣🔋📱

being, communication, energy, ever, friend, friendship, guilt, horrible, i, interaction, introvert, live, message, open, procrastination, reply, social, social interaction, text, text message, think, three, weeks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

0

2 months ago

30, break, chore, chores, humor, i, laziness, management, minutes, procrastination, time, time management
So many people to disappoint, so little time.

0

2 months ago

disappointment, expectations, humor, irony, life, little, people, sarcasm, time
If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

0

2 months ago

animals, chicken, clan, cluck, coo, humor, joke, pigeon, tribe, wordplay
To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

0

2 months ago

career, clear, growth, humor, i, level, levels, looking, meant, money, said, salary, stress, stress level, work, workload
They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

0

3 days ago

Christmas, deadline, excuse, game, gift, gifts, holiday, hours, humor, Japan, late, list, locked, nice, nice list, procrastination, Santa, say, still, want, whatever
Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

0

4 months ago

experience, humor, laptop, outdoors, outside, working

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Instagram this month:

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

32 shares on X this month:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

79 shares on Slack this month:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

76 shares on Threads this month:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

99 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

54 shares on Discord this month:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Seen just now on Telegram:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

Making waves on Threads:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Just landed via YouTube:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Making waves on YouTube:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Just landed via WeChat:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Breaking via X:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Making waves on WeChat:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Going viral on WeChat:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨