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61 Funny alcohol quotes

Trending Funny Alcohol Quotes 🔥

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.
DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.
I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.
Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.
You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

More funny alcohol quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Commentary:
Looks like the web developer is keen on expanding their search query optimization skills everywhere they go! 🕵️‍♂️🔍 Meanwhile, the SEO expert is probably already eyeing up the bar's meta tags and keyword density for a potential improvement project. 🍻💻 Cheers to a night of optimizing and imbibing in equal measure! 🍹💻🚀
5 months ago
Share →: Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's liver is the designated scapegoat for the weekend shenanigans! 🍻🤢 Here's to hoping it forgives you before Monday rolls around! 😂 #WeekendWarrior"
5 months ago
Share →: Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic recipe for social disaster! 🍸👀 Just add a splash of liquid courage and a sprinkle of intense gazes, and voilà – you've got yourself a cocktail of chaos! Proceed with caution, folks. 😂🚫"
5 months ago
Share →: There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Commentary:
Looks like Santa's not the only one making a list and checking it twice this Christmas! 🌕🎄🍷 Time to watch out for those festive shenanigans under the magical glow of the full moon! 🌝🎅 Cheers to a merry and memorable holiday season! 🎉🥂
5 months ago
Share →: Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Commentary:
Oh, the dramatic struggle between the wine connoisseurs and the impatient wine lovers! 🍷💨 Maybe they should give the wine a tiny CPR course to revive it faster? 😄 Remember, folks, wine is for sipping, not for saving! Cheers to letting the grapes do their thing in peace! 🍇🍷
5 months ago
Share →: I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Commentary:
"Ah, the irony of parenting – you think you're going to drop some insightful life lessons on your kids, only to realize they're already living those lessons! 🤪🍻 Just when you thought you had it all figured out… Parenting: making you question everything since forever! 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♀️"
5 months ago
Share →: My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Commentary:
"Who needs rose-colored glasses when you've got a flask for some liquid courage, amirite? 🥂 Here's to staying optimistic one sip at a time! 🌟 #LiquidOptimism"
5 months ago
Share →: Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Commentary:
"Seven wives and no alcohol? Looks like the Mormons are trying to have their cake and not eat it, too! 🤔🍹 #JustOneWifeAndWhiskeyForMe"
5 months ago
Share →: What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Commentary:
"Ah, the magical time between breakfast and lunch when we indulge in both pancakes and mimosas, because balance is key 🥞🥂 Who said alcoholics can't brunch?"
5 months ago
Share →: I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Commentary:
It's like they're saying, "Please enjoy our beverages responsibly, but also, please buy more." 🍻😜