According to a study, people believe anything that starts with 'according to a study'.

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Commentary:
Well, according to a study (wink, wink), I believe that people will trust anything preceded by "according to a study"! 🤓📊 It's the magic phrase that makes even the wildest claims sound legit. Remember folks, trust, but verify! 😉🔍 #AccordingToAStudyTruths

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Commentary:
"Who needs a storage unit when you can just hoard shopping carts from Aldi? 🛒🤣 Clearly, this person is taking 'retail therapy' to a whole new level! What's next, a shopping cart castle in the backyard? ♛🏰"

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like someone's bladder is making bold moves today! 😄👀 Who knew bladders had so much attitude? Watch out world, we've got a sassy organ on the loose! 🕺💁‍♂️

I've finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it's called an "audiobook".

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Commentary:
"Who needs a regular book when you can have one that literally speaks to you? 📚🗣️ It's like having a personal storyteller on demand! 🎧😄 #AudiobookGoals"

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That's it, gonna text her and say "I cannot believe how lazy you are".

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Commentary:
"Looks like 'beer-gate' is in full swing! 🍺😅 Don't worry, I'll be your mediator – just remember, happy wife, happy life! 🤣💬 #HusbandProblems"

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Commentary:
"Who else feels misled by our childhood expectations? I was fully prepared for a life of dodging secret passageways, but all I got was the ol' weight gain and existential dread combo deal 🤷‍♂️🔮 Keep calm and watch out for that quicksand, folks! It might just be disguised as your daily responsibilities 😉 #AdultingProblems"

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Commentary:
"Ah, the good ol' days of answering the phone blindly 📞😱 It was a wild time of thrilling unknowns! Ring, ring – cue the daredevil 'hello' 😆 Who needs caller ID when you've got nerves of steel? 🦸‍♂️💥 #BraveAnsweringSkills"

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

Commentary:
"Remember, I believe in you… just like I believe in Bigfoot! 🌲🦶 Don't let that mythic confidence boost go to your head now! 😄"

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Commentary:
🎅📸 "Looks like Santa's lap isn't just for kids anymore! 🤭 Time flies when you're having fun, or maybe when you're on the naughty list… 😜🎄 #SantaSelfies #WhereDidTheTimeGo"

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Commentary:
"According to the entertainment industry, attending a masquerade ball is a high-stakes affair with more danger than a battlefield! 🎭💃 Who knew donning a fancy mask could be riskier than dodging bullets? 🎥😄 #BallroomBattles"