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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

770 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,932

Funny Quotes Topics

13,903

Funny Quotes Images

10,932

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Making waves on Twitch:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Live now on WeChat:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Breaking via Telegram:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Seen just now on Slack:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Just shared via TikTok:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

770 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,932

Funny Quotes Topics

13,903

Funny Quotes Images

10,932

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Going viral on TikTok:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Just landed via Facebook:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Making waves on Slack:

More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Breaking via Telegram:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Making waves on Facebook:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Spotted on Reddit:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Going viral on Slack:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

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