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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 10 this month

15,835 funny quotes and pics

17,828 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 19, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

322 Funny comedy quotes

Funny comedy quotes are the perfect way to celebrate the lighter side of life! 🎤😂 Whether it’s a quick punchline, a witty observation, or a ridiculous scenario, these quotes remind us that laughter is the best form of comedy. Get ready to laugh out loud — because comedy is all about finding humor in the everyday! 😆🎭✨

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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