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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,298

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Dear algo, please only show this post to benevolent aliens.

Shared recently on Discord:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Going bananas on Threads:

I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Just shared via Messenger:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Just shared via Slack:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

3 days ago

5, again, am, appearance, dating, desperate, desperation, dinner, enough, humor, i, identify, identity, just, me, microwave, microwave dinner, minutes, nothing, photos, ready, ready in 5 minutes, satisfaction, sexual, sexual identity, want
Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

3 days ago

dating, electron, flirt, General, girl, girls, humor, location, orbit, pickup, pickup technique, relationship, science, science humor, technique
Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

3 days ago

advice, breakup, date, dating, dating advice, ex, humor, know, love, man, men, over, relationship, single
Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

3 days ago

bible, Bible quote, bio, contradiction, dating, DM, humor, match, media, message, profile, social, social media
Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

3 days ago

asking, communication, conversation, dating, end, flirting, humor, joke, just, relationship, sex, woman, women
First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

3 days ago

crypto, cryptocurrency, date, dating, dating idea, first date, humor, idea, joke, me, money, transfer
Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

3 days ago

dating, hell, humor, i, know, relationship, spot, take, woman, women
Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

3 days ago

apparently, beautiful, beautiful Latina, dating, dating problem, humor, interview, interviewer, job, job interview, latina, problem, weakness
I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

3 days ago

apathy, care, dating, emotion, humor, i, indifference, love, me, relationship, romance
Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

3 days ago

dating, easily, humor, i, joke, meet, meet up, men, plan, relationship, sacrifice, too, want, warning

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Just shared via Threads:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Making waves on TikTok:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Going viral on Slack:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Just landed via Discord:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Seen just now on Discord:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Shared recently on Discord:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Going bananas on Messenger:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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