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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Dec 30, 2025

4,042

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Just landed via X:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Going viral on Discord:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Just landed via Messenger:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Going viral on Telegram:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Breaking via Facebook:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Making waves on Facebook:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Going viral on TikTok:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Live now on TikTok:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Funny disease quotes

Funny disease quotes bring a lighthearted twist to health woes 😂🩺, turning those sick-day blues into chuckles and smiles! Whether you’re battling a cold or just need a quirky pick-me-up 🤧💊, these witty lines remind us laughter truly is the best medicine 😄💉. Ready to giggle your way through germs? Let’s dive into some humor that’s contagious—in the best way possible! 😜✨

New funny disease quotes 👇

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

0

2 months ago

disease, humor, i, irony, joke, perfect, self-confidence, skin, skin disease
Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

0

2 months ago

buying, disease, else, everyone, fashion, favorite, humor, interest, making, me, multiple, nostalgia, personal, personal interest, priorities, sh, shopping, spread, time, time travel, travel, wars
Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

0

5 months ago

3, benefit, day, days, disease, health, humor, immunity, job, job benefit, life, months, new, new job, office, office humor, sick, sick day, starting, work, work life
It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

0

5 months ago

always, anxiety, deadly, deadly disease, disease, health, huge, humor, joke, list, loss, reading, relief, symptom, symptoms, unexplained, unexplained weight loss, weight

All funny disease quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on X this month:

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

27 shares on Slack this month:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

48 shares on Threads this month:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,615

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Broadcasted on Discord:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Just landed via Twitch:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Freshly posted on X:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Seen just now on X:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Just landed via WeChat:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

Seen just now on Threads:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Trending via Discord:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

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