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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,318

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Going viral on Messenger:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Going bananas on Messenger:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Freshly posted on Slack:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

Just shared via X:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

28 Funny furniture quotes

More funny furniture quotes 👇

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

2 months ago

furniture, humor, irony, joke, living, own, sell, trouble
My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

2 months ago

bar, beer, beers, consumption, furniture, Gjörfbunkle, humor, i, IKEA, least, meant, opinion, purchase, shopping, should, think, three
My recliner and I go way back.

2 months ago

back, comfort, furniture, home, humor, i, nostalgia, recliner, relationship, relaxation
Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

2 months ago

20s, actually, adulthood, afford, after, choices, furniture, humor, life, life choices, lust
I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

2 months ago

ad, ad break, adrenaline, away, back, break, call, childhood, excitement, feel, furniture, high, high stakes, i, kids, know, Netflix, never, nostalgia, over, racing, running, screaming, send, sibling, sorry, stakes, time, TV
Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

2 months ago

am, case, cheating, comfort, emotionally, emotionally invested, feel, furniture, humor, i, invested, laziness, loveseat, recliner, relaxation, sometimes, wondering
My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

2 months ago

breakfast, child, furniture, guess, humor, i, next, pancakes, parenting, sticking, sticky, syrup, week
I’ve named my couch American Idle.

2 months ago

American, American Idle, couch, furniture, humor, idle, laziness, pun, relaxation
IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

2 months ago

analogy, california, furniture, hotel, Hotel California, humor, IKEA, shopping, store, stores
The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

2 months ago

bed, beds, debunked, furniture, humor, joke, regular, stacked, stacked bed, theory

For even more funny furniture quotes, hit next 👇

All funny furniture quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

94 shares on X this month:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

59 shares on YouTube this month:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Shared recently on Messenger:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Going viral on WeChat:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Breaking via Telegram:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Activity Log ✨

28 Funny furniture quotes

More funny furniture quotes 👇

All funny furniture quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨