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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,741

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Making waves on Reddit:

She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

Going viral on Pinterest:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Just shared via X:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Trending via WeChat:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Just shared via WeChat:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

121 Funny great quotes

More funny great quotes 👇

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

3 months ago

band, band name, Cranberry, creativity, fruit, great, humor, joke, music, name, work
I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

3 months ago

every, frantic, glasses, great, i, morning, need, search, thing
There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

3 months ago

author, believe, blurb, book, great, humor, i, irony, minimalism, new, read, reading, sarcasm, want
Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

3 months ago

calory, counting, diet, eating, food, fun, great, humor, irony, math, not eating, super, things
Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

3 months ago

admit, bring, buried, clutter, digital, digital mess, front, great, humor, i, library, mess, organization, phone, phone use, photo, photo library, screenshot, screenshots, system, taking, tech, tech humor
Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

3 months ago

activity, being, comedy, driving, frustration, great, humor, love, mad, sitting
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

3 months ago

every, eyes, gender, gender roles, great, great man, humor, man, relationship, roles, rolling, rolling eyes, sarcasm, woman
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

3 months ago

dryer, free, funny thought, great, great idea, humor, idea, put, self-care, thought, wrinkle
With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

3 months ago

caution, certainty, douche, great, humor, irony, power, responsibility, right, transformation, turn
How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

3 months ago

doing, doing nothing, downtime, follow, great, humor, laziness, nothing, relaxation, rest

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All funny great quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Threads this month:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

59 shares on Discord this month:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

10 shares on Slack this month:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

50 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

70 shares on X this month:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Just shared via Slack:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Making waves on Reddit:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Making waves on TikTok:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Going viral on Twitch:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Spotted on WeChat:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Just shared via X:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Freshly posted on Slack:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Just shared via Threads:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Going viral on Messenger:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Activity Log ✨

121 Funny great quotes

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All funny great quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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