406 funny health quotes - Page 7 - Wordgag

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Apr 1, 2026

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

Apr 1, 2026

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Apr 1, 2026

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

Apr 1, 2026

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Apr 1, 2026

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Apr 1, 2026

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Apr 1, 2026

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Apr 1, 2026

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

Apr 1, 2026

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

Apr 1, 2026

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Apr 1, 2026

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Apr 1, 2026

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Apr 1, 2026

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Apr 1, 2026

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Apr 1, 2026

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Apr 1, 2026

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Apr 1, 2026

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Mar 31, 2026

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Mar 31, 2026

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Mar 31, 2026

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Mar 31, 2026

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Mar 31, 2026

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Mar 31, 2026

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Mar 31, 2026

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Mar 31, 2026

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

Mar 31, 2026

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Mar 31, 2026

Social media is mental suicide.

Mar 31, 2026

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Mar 31, 2026

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Mar 31, 2026

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Mar 31, 2026

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Mar 31, 2026

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Mar 31, 2026

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Mar 31, 2026

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Mar 31, 2026

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Mar 31, 2026

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Mar 31, 2026

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Mar 31, 2026

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Mar 31, 2026

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Mar 31, 2026