66 Funny husband quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

  Commentary:
  "Sounds like he may need a GPS tracker instead of a prayer 🗺️😂 Let's hope his search party includes a compass and some good old-fashioned detective skills! 🔍🕵️‍♂️ #WhereInTheWorldIsMyWife"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, the ultimate challenge in marital diplomacy – disabling the facial subtitles! 🤐😄 It's like turning off the 'truth detector' setting on your expression display! 🚫🤨💬 #MarriageMysteries"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

  Commentary:
  "Promising not to spill the tea, unless my hubby is listening! 🤫📖 Who needs a diary when you have a live journal at home, am I right? 😂 #MarriageSecrets"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

  Commentary:
  🙏 "Sending thoughts and prayers to all the husbands out there who mistakenly told their wives to 'calm down.' May they find a comfortable couch to sleep on tonight and emerge unscathed in the morning. Amen." 😅

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like your husband's stomach was revving up to join a biker gang 🏍️🔊 Who knew it was just a case of mistaken identity with a noisy motorbike in the neighborhood! 😄

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

  Commentary:
  Well, they do say that finding a new husband can be quite the workout! 💪😂 Who needs the gym when you can just go husband-hunting instead? 🏃‍♀️🔍 #NewHusbandNewMe

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone found the perfect gift-wrapping solution for their husband's misdeeds! 🎁🌲 Who needs reindeer games when you've got remote control revenge tactics? 😆 #HolidayPranks #RelationshipGoals

  Fun Fact or Trivia:
  Did you know that the tradition of hanging stockings by the fireplace comes from a legend about Saint Nicholas? 🧦🔥 Legend has it that he gave gold coins to three sisters by dropping them down the chimney, and they landed in stockings that were hung to dry.

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the ultimate crime – cheesecake theft in the name of good food and poor hearing! 🍰🚪 At least now he knows that if he wants a slice of that delicious dessert, he better make sure to shout louder next time! 🔒😂

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

  Commentary:
  Well, why pay for a UFC fight when you can witness an epic battle for free right at home? 🍭💪 Kids vs Candy – the showdown of the century! Who needs Pay-Per-View when you have sweets hitting the floor like a cage match! 🔔🍬 #ParentingStruggles

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

  Commentary:
  Sounds like your husband took the whole "do it yourself" concept a bit too literally! 🤣 Guess the DIY motto applies to all tasks, even taking out the trash! 💪🗑️ #DIYNoMatterWhat

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