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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,393

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Making waves on Slack:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Live now on Telegram:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Spotted on TikTok:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Just shared via Discord:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

Just landed via Threads:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Breaking via YouTube:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Shared recently on Slack:

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

99 Funny husband quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Reddit this month:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

55 shares on X this month:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

68 shares on Slack this month:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,392

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Imagine hating me and im just at my desk spinning reeaaally fast in my office chair.

Breaking via Discord:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Live now on Discord:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Just landed via Discord:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Just shared via Threads:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

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