Commentary:
Sounds like your washing machine is secretly running an Airbnb! 🧺😂🧳
5670 Funny i quotes
“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”
Commentary:
Can't resist that flavor, but I won't get a sugar rush, right? 🍒💄😆
My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.
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Binging shows like it's an Olympic sport, then feeling like I've hit a TV timeout! 🎬🏆📺😢
Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.
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😂🔍 "When the only diagnosis is 'overthinking'!" 🩺😅
Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.
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Procrastination level: expert 🏆🤔 Every day’s a new high score! 😂🛋️
(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.
Commentary:
Sounds like a classic case of "I'm not talking to myself, we're having a staff meeting." 🤔😂💼
Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.
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Love-hate relationships: translating emotional turmoil into cardio! 😂❤️🔥 #MixedSignals
Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.
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Talk about car-ma! Sure hope he has GPS to navigate through the tears 😂🚗💔
Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.
Commentary:
Can we petition for a time zone with extra hours just for Sundays? 🌞🕰️😴
Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.
Commentary:
When your toy game isn't strong enough for the virtual playdate 😂🧸📱