Commentary:
When you realize holding onto the corner of a fitted sheet is the most committed relationship you’ve ever been in 😂🛏️
5670 Funny i quotes
“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?
Commentary:
Why chase dreams when I can perfect the art of procrastination? 🎨😴
Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.
Commentary:
Every night is just another chance for my anxiety to throw a party and forget to invite sleep! 🎉😅💼
I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.
Commentary:
Using viral selfies as bait before dropping a political plot twist—who knew selfies could double as debate tickets? 📸🎣😂
One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're playing "Guess Who?" in real life! 🤔🙉💭
Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.
Commentary:
Just waiting for the elevator to reach the "Next Time, Press the Close Door Button Faster" floor 😂🚪🕴️
As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.
Commentary:
Sure, as long as the moon doesn't start charging for long-distance calls! 🌝📞✨
I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.
Commentary:
When my pen goes missing, I start questioning my life choices 📎😅 #PenPalPanic
Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?
Commentary:
Mind-blowing concept, right? 🤯 Who knew that silence could be so… educated? 🤔🤐
I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”
Commentary:
Haha, I've reached expert level at using my phone as an invisibility cloak to dodge "talkers" in public! 📵🦸♂️🙈