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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Worst feeling is playing a game and having nobody to talk to about it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Breaking via Reddit:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Seen just now on YouTube:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Shared recently on Threads:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Shared recently on Slack:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Just shared via WeChat:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Going bananas on X:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Shared recently on X:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Spotted on Facebook:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

253 Funny man quotes

More funny man quotes 👇

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

3 weeks ago

always, chefs, cooking, cut, everything, fast, humor, just, kitchen, man, onion, relax, speed
At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

3 weeks ago

afterlife, funeral, humor, i, man, me, observation, relationship, sit, talking
Weddings should have a worst man.

3 weeks ago

event, funny opinion, humor, man, marriage, opinion, should, tradition, wedding, worst, worst man
Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

3 weeks ago

comedy, every, eyes, funny man, humor, man, relationship, rolls, rolls eyes, wit, woman
I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

3 weeks ago

animal, animal friend, Cinderella, fairy, fairy tale, friend, friends, happy, happy life, i, independence, life, makeup, man, relationship, shoe, should, tale, think, try
I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

3 weeks ago

baby, baby Jesus, Christmas, humor, i, Jesus, Joseph, just, life, looking, man, Mary, men, modern, modern life, Nativity, phones, scene, set, technology, waiting, wise, Wise Man
Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

3 weeks ago

adulthood, awareness, bill, everyone, fight, financial, financial awareness, gas, gas bill, heat, heating, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, love, man, manhood, outside, remind, responsibility, time, trying
If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

3 weeks ago

big, communication, humor, man, relationship, silent, thinker, trouble, woman
The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

3 weeks ago

aggression, archery, conflict, guy, humor, i, inventor, irony, joke, man, over, stab
Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

3 weeks ago

always, dating, expectations, humor, intelligent, intelligent man, irony, know, love, man, marry, men, relationship, want, women

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All funny man quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

76 shares on X this month:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

76 shares on Twitch this month:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I feel stupid, I like to remind myself that I got my bachelor’s degree without ChatGPT.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Shared recently on Slack:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Just shared via TikTok:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Just landed via Reddit:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Shared recently on Slack:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Going viral on Pinterest:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Activity Log ✨

253 Funny man quotes

More funny man quotes 👇

All funny man quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨