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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,756

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Breaking via Twitch:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Trending via Pinterest:

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Trending via Facebook:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Trending via Messenger:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Breaking via Twitch:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Freshly posted on Slack:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Spotted on Threads:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

46 Funny new year quotes

Funny new year quotes are the perfect way to ring in the new year with a smile 😄 and a hearty laugh 😂! As we bid farewell to last year’s quirks and welcome new adventures 🎉, these witty sayings can add a sprinkle of humor to your celebrations. Whether you’re raising a glass 🥂 or making resolutions you’ll forget by February, these quotes will keep the mood light and fun. Here’s to a year of giggles and good times! 🥳

New funny new year quotes 👇

January: the Monday of months.

4 weeks ago

beginning, calendar, comparison, humor, January, Monday, month, months, new, new year, time, week, year
January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

4 weeks ago

1st, actually, always, calendar, date, day, day feeling, feeling, feels, funny observation, humor, January, January 1st, new, new year, observation, perception, Sunday, time, time perception, year
It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

4 weeks ago

ago, celebration, change, Christmas, everyone, Funny, holiday, humor, new, new year, seasonal, seasonal change, timing, tradition, week, year
My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

4 weeks ago

beam, goal, humor, light, new, new year, powerful, resolution, year
I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

4 weeks ago

die, end, humor, midnight, new, new year, only, staying, staying up, watch, year, year-end
That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

4 weeks ago

awareness, Christmas, confusion, date, date confusion, day, day awareness, gap, holiday, new, new year, tell, time, time gap, week, year
We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

4 weeks ago

31st, Christmas, countdown, date, December, end, end of year, holiday, humor, new, new year, period, time, time period, void, year
I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

4 weeks ago

2006, available, date, even, humor, i, new, new year, nostalgia, sarcasm, take, time, used, want, year
New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

4 weeks ago

awesome, confidence, humor, joke, just, kidding, me, motivation, new, new me, new year, self-esteem, year
“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

4 weeks ago

1st, 24th, before, calendar, Christmas, date, December, December 24th, festive, festive season, holiday, humor, January, January 1st, just, means, new, new year, nightmare, season, The Nightmare Before Christmas, year

For even more funny new year quotes, hit next 👇

All funny new year quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Reddit this month:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

10 shares on Threads this month:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

34 shares on X this month:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,715

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Making waves on Messenger:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Just landed via Facebook:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Live now on Telegram:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

Going viral on Reddit:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Spotted on Slack:

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

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