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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has downloaded:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has downloaded:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has downloaded:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has shared:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has bookmarked:

What are cats even trying to do?

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has shared:

β€œYou never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡± has viewed:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has downloaded:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going bananas on Discord:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Trending via Pinterest:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Just landed via Twitch:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Trending via YouTube:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Just landed via Instagram:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Breaking via X:

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

Spotted on YouTube:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

46 Funny new year quotes

Funny new year quotes are the perfect way to ring in the new year with a smile πŸ˜„ and a hearty laugh πŸ˜‚! As we bid farewell to last year’s quirks and welcome new adventures πŸŽ‰, these witty sayings can add a sprinkle of humor to your celebrations. Whether you’re raising a glass πŸ₯‚ or making resolutions you’ll forget by February, these quotes will keep the mood light and fun. Here’s to a year of giggles and good times! πŸ₯³

New funny new year quotes πŸ‘‡

For even more funny new year quotes, hit next πŸ‘‡

All funny new year quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes πŸ‘Œ

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Messenger this month:

β€œApple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

29 shares on Discord this month:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

92 shares on X this month:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Half princess, half menace.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve successfully reduced phone time by looking at computer more.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

48 shares on Discord this month:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, β€œI drink it.”

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œHow would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œNever let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,720

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has copied:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has shared:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡· has shared:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has shared:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Going viral on Slack:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Seen just now on Reddit:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Spotted on Messenger:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Trending via YouTube:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Making waves on Threads:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Shared recently on Instagram:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Making waves on WeChat:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

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