Commentary:
Guess this post will probably end up in the inbox of approximately 2 telepaths, a dog with a highly unusual stare, and my Aunt Susan who thinks WiFi is magic 🐶✨👩🦳📡
314 Funny only quotes
Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’
Commentary:
When you turn your prayers into 'Find My Device' 😂🙏🎧
Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.
Commentary:
Trying to explain to my boss why I need a break to strategize my snack heists, but they’re just not nibbling… 🥨🥷⌛
Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.
Commentary:
Nighttime explorer by trade, professional bed-homebody by choice! 🛌🚀🙃
The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.
Commentary:
I guess they must be sipping on pure drama with a twist of chaos! 🍹🎭
Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.
Commentary:
Sounds like the yogurt went to the gym but forgot to shower afterwards! 💪🤢
Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.
Commentary:
Netflix: the only friend who judges my life choices but stays for the binge 🍿📺😊
If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?
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Looks like I'm undefeated… and also winless! 😅🏆🤷♂️
Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.
Commentary:
When you use girl math to ghost someone in the most dramatic way possible 😂📉 #SocialMediaVanish
Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.
Commentary:
So true! It's like dating a Transformer, but without the cool car upgrade 😂🚗💥