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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

The best addition to any essay is, of course, a condescending tone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,692

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Going viral on Instagram:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

Shared recently on X:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Just landed via Discord:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Going bananas on X:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

56 Funny order quotes

More funny order quotes 👇

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

2 months ago

affection, cute, gesture, hug, humor, ID, kiss, large, love, order, place, playful, relationship, romantic, romantic gesture, sweet
After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

2 months ago

after, air, Air Friar, basketball, basketball player, friar, humor, joke, jordan, michael, Michael Jordan, order, player, pun, religious, religious joke, religious order, sports, sports humor, wordplay
Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

2 months ago

believe, coffee, customer, deal, difficult, difficulty, humor, me, order, sarcasm, Starbucks
It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

2 months ago

bedtime, humor, order, pretend, rest, sleep, sleeping, weird
The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

2 months ago

activity, comfort, comfort food, eat, food, fun, fun activity, happiness, key, order, pizza, repeat
I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

2 months ago

attitude, humor, i, independence, order, sorry, suggestion
Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

2 months ago

came, decision, delivery, eats, finish, food, food delivery, forget, forgot, humor, i, just, notification, order, realization, senses, Uber
Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

2 months ago

affection, executive, executive order, forehead, forehead kiss, give, humor, kiss, lighthearted, little, me, order, playful, relationship, signed
My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

2 months ago

convenience, eating, eating out, favorite, food, humor, i, order, phone, pick, recipe, where
The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

2 months ago

current, education, future, happiness, humor, irony, order, PhD, sacrifice, someone, struggle, student

For even more funny order quotes, hit next 👇

All funny order quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

10 shares on Threads this month:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

42 shares on Discord this month:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

43 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

Going viral on X:

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

Just landed via Slack:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Just landed via Facebook:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Trending via Instagram:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Going viral on Reddit:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Spotted on TikTok:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Activity Log ✨

56 Funny order quotes

More funny order quotes 👇

All funny order quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨