385 Funny parenting quotes

• In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

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  3 weeks ago

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• Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

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  3 weeks ago

  childhood, enough, family, humor, kid, kids, old, parent, parenting, problem, relationship

• My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

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  3 weeks ago

  bored, boredom, enough, entertain, entertainment, family, family life, favorite, getting, humor, kid, kid boredom, kids, life, parenting, patience, point, self, self entertainment

• One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

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  3 weeks ago

  daughter, day, family, got, humor, husband, i, know-it-all, parenting, personality, personality traits, Sassy, say, traits, wait

• If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

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  3 weeks ago

  day, day off, days, humor, imagine, just, parent, parenting, responsibility, straight, thinking, work, working

• “I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

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  3 weeks ago

  chase, done, funny situation, house, humor, i, never, open, parenting, parkour, Sharpie, situation, through, toddler

• Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

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  3 weeks ago

  behavior, child, child behavior, correct, humor, i, interruption, kid, kids, moment, parenting, yourself

• Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

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  3 weeks ago

  algebra, family, family life, humor, kid, kids, life, marriage, married, parenting, practice, relaxation, relaxing, weeknight

• My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

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  3 weeks ago

  amount, appreciate, effort, extrovert, family, humor, introvert, kid, kids, me, never, parenting, social, social effort

• Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

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  3 weeks ago

  asked, child, honesty, humor, nobody, parenting, roommate, toddler, toddlers

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