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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,670

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Trending via Pinterest:

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

Just landed via Threads:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Just shared via Threads:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Spotted on TikTok:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Going bananas on Discord:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Just shared via WeChat:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

38 Funny plans quotes

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Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

48 shares on Slack this month:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

57 shares on X this month:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

39 shares on Telegram this month:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,603

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Trending via Instagram:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Making waves on TikTok:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Making waves on WeChat:

Some of you have overdosed so hard on the propaganda, there’s nothing reality Narcan can do for you.

Just landed via TikTok:

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

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