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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Trending via Pinterest:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Just landed via Facebook:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Spotted on Facebook:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

38 Funny plans quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

15 shares on Instagram this month:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

15 shares on Slack this month:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

59 shares on Discord this month:

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,373

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Making waves on Twitch:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Going viral on Instagram:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Making waves on Reddit:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Just shared via WeChat:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Making waves on Slack:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

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