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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Trending via Slack:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Making waves on Slack:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Just shared via Twitch:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Live now on TikTok:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Going viral on Pinterest:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Just shared via Messenger:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

329 Funny relaxation quotes

More funny relaxation quotes 👇

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

2 weeks ago

attempt, dislike, failed, failure, frustration, hate, humor, i, nap, nothing, relaxation, sleep
I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

2 weeks ago

burn, calorie, cat, exercise, fitness, humor, i, pet, petting, relaxation, wonder
At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

2 weeks ago

able, bedtime, beer, being, drinking, frustration, help, humor, i, insomnia, maybe, point, relaxation, sleep, sleeplessness, throw, towel
A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

2 weeks ago

bath, big, bowl, hot, hot tub, human, human soup, humor, joke, relaxation, soup, tub
I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

2 weeks ago

absolutely, bed, bedtime, comfort, excitement, getting, i, laying, laying down, love, relaxation
Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

2 weeks ago

alone, beer, drinking, humor, posture, relaxation, terrible
No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

2 weeks ago

drink, humor, know, peace, pun, relaxation, wine, wordplay
The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

2 weeks ago

burn, cooking, day, draining, face, food, humor, i, kitchen, me, pasta, relaxation, spa, spa day, steam, steam burn
Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

2 weeks ago

apple, apples, beer, beers, couple, dead, drinking, feeding, game, gaming, getting, horse, humor, just, petting, red, Red Dead Redemption, redemption, relaxation, video, video game
Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

2 weeks ago

absolutely, chill, chill day, day, doing, doing nothing, eat, else, laziness, need, nothing, relaxation, rest, Saturday, sleep, sometimes, weekend

For even more funny relaxation quotes, hit next 👇

All funny relaxation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Threads this month:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

35 shares on Threads this month:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

61 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Spotted on Slack:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Trending via Facebook:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Making waves on Threads:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Going viral on Reddit:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Activity Log ✨

329 Funny relaxation quotes

More funny relaxation quotes 👇

All funny relaxation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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