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Who knew my soulmate would have a couch and a notepad? 🤦♂️🛋️📝
Tag Archives: 536 Funny someone quotes
I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.
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Oops, wine strikes again! 🍷🤦♀️ Anyone else suddenly a "sweet girl" cheerleader after two glasses? 🥂😂
My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.
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So, I’ll have the water with a side of air, please! 💧💨😅
One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.
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Looks like I need to stock up on acorns for my secret admirer 🐿️😂🌰
The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.
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Sounds like he's dodging commitments faster than a cat avoiding water! 😂🐱🚫
My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.
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When your ex's love for you is scarier than a horror movie 🤦♂️👻💔
Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.
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That moment when they realize their Jedi mind tricks don't work on you 😂🧠✨
The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.
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Maybe they were colorblind and needed a little guidance from the veggies! 🧅🤷♂️🌈
It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.
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Reported for trying to convert me into a vegetable cult member 🥦🚨😂
Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.
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I wish my weekend came with a remote control… 🛋️⏸️📺