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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

21 minutes ago

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Breaking via Reddit:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Reported on Facebook:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Making waves on Facebook:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Making waves on Discord:

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

Breaking via Reddit:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Trending via TikTok:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Going viral on Instagram:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Home » Funny Steal Quotes » Page 2

12 Funny steal quotes

More funny steal quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Commentary:
"Seems like the key to getting paid at an internship is having sticky fingers, eh? 🤑💼 Just kidding! Remember folks, the real treasure is the experience you gain along the way… but a decent stipend wouldn't hurt either! 😉💰 #InternLife"
6 months ago
Share →: I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Commentary:
"Oh, so you're practicing the 'out of sight, out of pickpocket's mind' strategy at work? 😆 Better watch out for those office ninjas silently stealing wallets while you catch some z's! 🕵️💼💤"

For even more funny steal quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny steal quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

807 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,969

Funny Quotes Topics

13,933

Funny Quotes Images

10,969

21 minutes ago

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Just landed via Telegram:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Just landed via YouTube:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

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