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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,688

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Just landed via Twitch:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

Seen just now on Slack:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Trending via Snapchat:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Shared recently on Instagram:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

17 Funny steal quotes

More funny steal quotes 👇

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

0

2 months ago

amateur, car, confidence, hoodie, humor, joke, real, steal, theft, woman
An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

0

2 months ago

employment, humor, internship, joke, satire, steal, unpaid, work
I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

0

2 months ago

afraid, carry, fear, humor, i, sleeping, someone, steal, wallet, work
We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

0

2 months ago

AI, AI bot, alive, bot, bots, country, drinking, drinking water, dumbest, entertain, entertainment, high-speed, high-speed rail, humor, infrastructure, people, porn, rail, satire, steal, technology, theft, water, water theft
I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

0

3 months ago

bowie, culture, david, David Bowie, humor, i, ice, love, music, musician, parody, pop, pop culture, queen, riff, song, steal, vanilla, Vanilla Ice, why
AI could never steal company time the way I do.

0

5 months ago

AI, company, company time, humor, i, joke, never, productivity, steal, time, work
Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

0

5 months ago

believe, cake, cartoons, harder, hole, lot, steal, table

For even more funny steal quotes, hit next 👇

All funny steal quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

12 shares on Threads this month:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

18 shares on Threads this month:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

68 shares on X this month:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

Trending via Slack:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Spotted on Facebook:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Trending via Telegram:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Spotted on TikTok:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Making waves on X:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

Just landed via X:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Activity Log ✨

17 Funny steal quotes

More funny steal quotes 👇

All funny steal quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨