79 funny stuff quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Mar 30, 2026

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Mar 29, 2026

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

Mar 29, 2026

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Mar 29, 2026

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Mar 29, 2026

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Mar 29, 2026

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Mar 28, 2026

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Mar 28, 2026

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Mar 28, 2026

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Mar 28, 2026

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Mar 28, 2026

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Mar 28, 2026

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Mar 28, 2026

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Mar 28, 2026

Can drunk people actually not control their actions or is it just an excuse to do some crazy stuff?

Mar 27, 2026

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Mar 27, 2026

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Mar 27, 2026

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Mar 27, 2026

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

Mar 27, 2026

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Mar 26, 2026

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Mar 26, 2026

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Mar 26, 2026

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Mar 26, 2026

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Mar 26, 2026

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Mar 26, 2026

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Mar 26, 2026

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Mar 26, 2026

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Mar 26, 2026

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Mar 25, 2026

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Mar 25, 2026

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Mar 25, 2026

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Mar 25, 2026

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Mar 25, 2026

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Mar 25, 2026

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Mar 24, 2026

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Mar 24, 2026

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Mar 24, 2026

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Mar 24, 2026

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Mar 24, 2026