…
Commentary:
"Attention: The Bed Monsters Union has filed a grievance due to unsafe working conditions. 🛌🧹😂"
129 Funny sure quotes
Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.
…
Commentary:
"Me: A walking dictionary, but with Wi-Fi! 😂📚🔍 #WordNinja"
Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.
Commentary:
“Make sure you’ve got your karma GPS on! 🚴♂️💫 #PlotTwistGuard”
I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.
Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to make a mythical mess! 🐉💩😂"
We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.
Commentary:
"Trying to hold down a job while the universe spins like a blender in the rinse cycle! 🌪️🍹 #CosmicJobFair"
The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.
Commentary:
🦁 "When you're the king of the jungle, a little sprinkle is just extra seasoning! 👑💦"
Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.
Commentary:
"Life is short, so remember to prioritize arguing with strangers online over meaningful interactions and personal growth! 🕸️💻😆 #LifeGoals"
The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.
Commentary:
Looks like the devil got a bit jealous of your heart's generosity and decided to play cupid in reverse! 😈💔 Don't worry, your love is just too radiant for some to handle! 🌟😆 #LoveStruggles #DevilishIntentions
My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.
Commentary:
Looks like you're on a quest for the most extraordinary and out-of-this-world definitions! 🌍🔍 Keep exploring, and remember, in this vast online universe, even the most "regular" words can have surprising meanings! 😉
I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone at Apple has a cruel sense of humor 🙈📱 Keeping you in check with a sneaky sprinkle of nostalgia and heartbreak one featured photo at a time! 🐕💔😂 #ApplePranks"