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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere.

Making waves on Reddit:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Going viral on WeChat:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Going viral on Facebook:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Live now on Facebook:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Trending via Instagram:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Breaking via X:

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

Trending via Slack:

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

265 Funny things quotes

More funny things quotes 👇

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

3 months ago

afford, children, expectations, family, financial, humor, i, living, move, parenting, things, want
Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

3 months ago

alone, companionship, friend, friends, good, good friend, humor, let, stupid, stupid thing, support, thing, things
When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

3 months ago

expand, fitness, gaining, getting, hot, humor, just, perspective, self-acceptance, things, warm, weight
I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

3 months ago

ambition, body, conflict, desire, humor, laziness, person, sleep, things, trapped
My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

3 months ago

activity, annoying, beautiful, Christmas, fun, fun activity, music, parenting, son, songs, things, trumpet
An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

3 months ago

accomplish, activity, agenda, everyone, fun, fun activity, hope, i, party, reveal, surprise, things, weekend
Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

3 months ago

closed, good, good things, horoscope, humor, irony, optimism, repairs, store, things
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

3 months ago

delivery, gift, gift to self, humor, i, joy, love, me, online, online shopping, present, self, self-gift, shopping, shopping joy, surprises, things
Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

3 months ago

bartender, context, difference, drinking, humor, job, job difference, loose, loose stool, means, medical, nurse, profession, stool, things
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

3 months ago

dream, dreams, frustration, hate, humor, i, lose, office, office humor, paper, pen, relatable, sanity, things, work

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All funny things quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

42 shares on Slack this month:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Spotted on Discord:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Going bananas on Threads:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

Making waves on Threads:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Making waves on WeChat:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Cool times create cool guys.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Breaking via Slack:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Activity Log ✨

265 Funny things quotes

More funny things quotes 👇

All funny things quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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