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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Watching a movie and using a laser pointer to indicate where my fellow viewers should be looking for an optimal viewing experience.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,660

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Trending via Threads:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Breaking via YouTube:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Going bananas on Messenger:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Making waves on WeChat:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Spotted on Snapchat:

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Just shared via WeChat:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

11 Funny vodka quotes

Funny vodka quotes bring a spirited twist to your favorite drink! 🍸😂 From playful jabs about vodka’s role in social gatherings to humorous reflections on the antics it can inspire, these quotes capture the lighter side of this beloved spirit. Cheers to laughter and the joy of vodka-fueled fun! 😄🥂

New funny vodka quotes 👇

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

0

2 months ago

alcohol, drinking, honesty, humor, say, think, vodka, whisper
I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

0

2 months ago

alcoholic, alcoholic beverage, beverage, blood, Blood of Mannaroth, dew, drink, fantasy, green, green drink, humor, i, mannaroth, mix, mixing, mixing drink, mountain, Mountain Dew, nickname, orc, used, vodka
Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, chips, french fries, vegetable, vodka
Livin’ la vida vodka!

0

2 months ago

drink, fun, humor, lifestyle, party, vida, vodka
I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

0

2 months ago

accident, accidentally, breakfast, drink, humor, i, juice, mix-up, morning, orange, orange juice, twice, vodka
Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, anxiety, humor, introvert, me, personality, social, social anxiety, vodka
You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

0

2 months ago

drink, great, help, homework, humor, kid, know, math, parenting, struggle, vodka
There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

0

2 months ago

celery, celery stalk, cold, cold soup, comfort, comfort food, drink, even, food, humor, ice, little, nothing, over, quirky, quirky drink, soothe, soul, soup, stalk, tomato, tomato soup, vodka
I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, coffee, doctor, sugar, vodka
I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

0

2 months ago

drink, fruit, funny idea, humor, i, idea, mixology, party, summer, think, vodka, watermelon

For even more funny vodka quotes, hit next 👇

All funny vodka quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

61 shares on Discord this month:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

23 shares on X this month:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t flirt with me. I’m trying not to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,565

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Going bananas on X:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Just shared via Instagram:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I was dropped as an adult.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Going viral on Messenger:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Trending via Discord:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Trending via Messenger:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

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