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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

People should come with warning labels.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,765

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

Seen just now on Discord:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Just landed via TikTok:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

116 Funny weird quotes

More funny weird quotes 👇

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

3 weeks ago

do everything, everything, funny observation, hand, hold, humor, i, just, know, knowledge, knows, observation, pencil, sit, weird
My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

3 weeks ago

accident, accidentally, cheesecake, dessert, eating, finished, funny situation, hear, house, humor, husband, i, knocking, locked, locked out, marriage, marriage humor, rest, situation, weird
I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

3 weeks ago

analogy, coworker, dude, eat, eating, fish, humor, i, just, know, should, think, weird
Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

3 weeks ago

coworker, humble, humor, identity, modesty, self-awareness, stay, weird, workplace, workplace humor
Weirdos gonna weird.

3 weeks ago

humor, individuality, personality, quirkiness, uniqueness, weird, weirdo
It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

3 weeks ago

entertainment, humor, music, observation, people, seats, songs, Usher, weird
Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

3 weeks ago

apps, charged, consider, dating, even, falling, friendship, humor, i, least, love, me, need, never, relationship, sexual, sexual tension, tension, weird, work
The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

3 weeks ago

afraid, balloon, bond, character, conductor, hat, humor, james, James Bond, movie, next, quirky, should, train, train conductor, weird
Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

3 weeks ago

humor, individuality, normalizing, run, shit, society, stop, things, uniqueness, weird, well
My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

3 weeks ago

communication, conversation, humor, i, listen, misunderstanding, relationship, single, start, surprise, taken, weird, wife, word

For even more funny weird quotes, hit next 👇

All funny weird quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Slack this month:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

55 shares on X this month:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Just shared via Discord:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Breaking via WeChat:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Going viral on Reddit:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Going viral on WeChat:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Live now on YouTube:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Just landed via Instagram:

Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Activity Log ✨

116 Funny weird quotes

More funny weird quotes 👇

All funny weird quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨