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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,026

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Making waves on Discord:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Freshly posted on Discord:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Spotted on WeChat:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Spotted on X:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Trending via Snapchat:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

115 Funny weird quotes

More funny weird quotes 👇

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

0

2 months ago

accident, accidentally, cheesecake, dessert, eating, finished, funny situation, hear, house, humor, husband, i, knocking, locked, locked out, marriage, marriage humor, rest, situation, weird
I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

0

2 months ago

analogy, coworker, dude, eat, eating, fish, humor, i, just, know, should, think, weird
Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

0

2 months ago

coworker, humble, humor, identity, modesty, self-awareness, stay, weird, workplace, workplace humor
Weirdos gonna weird.

0

2 months ago

humor, individuality, personality, quirkiness, uniqueness, weird, weirdo
It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

0

2 months ago

entertainment, humor, music, observation, people, seats, songs, Usher, weird
Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

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2 months ago

apps, charged, consider, dating, even, falling, friendship, humor, i, least, love, me, need, never, relationship, sexual, sexual tension, tension, weird, work
The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

0

2 months ago

afraid, balloon, bond, character, conductor, hat, humor, james, James Bond, movie, next, quirky, should, train, train conductor, weird
Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

0

2 months ago

humor, individuality, normalizing, run, shit, society, stop, things, uniqueness, weird, well
My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

0

2 months ago

communication, conversation, humor, i, listen, misunderstanding, relationship, single, start, surprise, taken, weird, wife, word
Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, chips, class, dancing, day, dip, grabby, humor, i, intro, myself, salsa, starving, weird

For even more funny weird quotes, hit next 👇

All funny weird quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Threads this month:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

26 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

97 shares on X this month:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

44 shares on X this month:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Trending via Discord:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Making waves on X:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

Just shared via Twitch:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Breaking via Twitch:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Just shared via Discord:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Shared recently on Messenger:

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Activity Log ✨

115 Funny weird quotes

More funny weird quotes 👇

All funny weird quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨