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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,510

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Spotted on Threads:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Broadcasted on X:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

Just shared via WeChat:

Netflix & by yourself.

Going bananas on Threads:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Trending via Messenger:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

129 Funny women quotes

More funny women quotes 👇

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

3 weeks ago

belief, believe, humor, i, name, Sassy, women
If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

3 weeks ago

advice, dating, humor, keep, loyal, loyal woman, man, relationship, reply, trying, woman, women
I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

3 weeks ago

chic, child, daughter, family, humor, i, love, only, parenting, single, single child, woman, women
I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

3 weeks ago

attraction, change, dating, funny observation, i, interest, interested, love, man, mood, mood change, move, observation, obsession, relationship, woman, women, wrong
I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

3 weeks ago

container, containers, gift, hold, humor, i, joke, know, love, much, relationship, smaller, women
We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

3 weeks ago

celebration, end, every, fashion, holiday, humor, need, summer, sundress, woman, women
Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

3 weeks ago

accessory, ask, bring, doubt, every, hell, humor, husband, i, lol, man, me, men, misunderstanding, purse, relationship, scary, something, time, whole, why, women
Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

3 weeks ago

comparison, cooperation, fitted, fitted sheet, hard, humor, just, matter, never, relationship, sheet, try, woman, women
What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

3 weeks ago

always, biology, curiosity, equivalent, humor, i, morning, morning wood, question, why, women, wood

For even more funny women quotes, hit next 👇

All funny women quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

25 shares on Messenger this month:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Breaking via Telegram:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

Going viral on Discord:

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

Just landed via Messenger:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Trending via Threads:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Just landed via Threads:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Making waves on Slack:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Activity Log ✨

129 Funny women quotes

More funny women quotes 👇

All funny women quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨