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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Just landed via Slack:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Breaking via Instagram:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Freshly posted on Threads:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Going bananas on YouTube:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

638 Funny work quotes

More funny work quotes 👇

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

3 weeks ago

aggressive, drive, humor, i, ID, less, morning, relief, stress, stress relief, tank, transportation, work
Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

3 weeks ago

being, break, culture, employees, help, humor, meetings, productive, productivity, take, wonderful, work, work culture, workplace
What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

3 weeks ago

busy, daddy, distraction, emails, humor, i, just, kitten, procrastination, work
Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

3 weeks ago

employment, environment, great, honesty, humor, interview, job, job interview, lie, lying, sarcasm, work, work environment, workplace
Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

3 weeks ago

bang, courtroom, every, hammer, humor, job, judge, little, only, people, shut, shut up, silence, where, work
Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

3 weeks ago

day, day off, done, holiday, humor, kids, parenting, sarcasm, shit, veteran’s, Veteran’s Day, work
I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

3 weeks ago

agree, broke, employment, equality, generation, good, humor, i, job, jobs, love, misconception, people, previous, society, stereotypes, tattoo, work
Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

3 weeks ago

desk, fitness, humor, i, joke, labor, manual, manual labor, productivity, resume, standing, standing desk, work
Drilling for oil is well boring.

3 weeks ago

boring, drilling, humor, industry, joke, oil, pun, well, work
Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

3 weeks ago

call, call out, day, everyone, humor, launch, little, next, prank, soft, soft launch, stomach, weird, work

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All funny work quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

22 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

People with air fryers really love to tell you what they air fry.

49 shares on X this month:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Just shared via Telegram:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Going viral on WeChat:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Trending via WeChat:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Seen just now on Discord:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Just landed via Twitch:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Just shared via Telegram:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Activity Log ✨

638 Funny work quotes

More funny work quotes 👇

All funny work quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨