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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Just shared via X:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Trending via Threads:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Seen just now on Discord:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Making waves on Telegram:

The worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Soy sauce: the ninja of condiments. One second you're flavoring, next second you're moving to a new shirt. 🍣🕶️🎨

condiment, cooking, exaggeration, food, humor, i, kitchen, know, love, much, sauce, seasoning, soy, soy sauce, taste, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

0

5 months ago

American, American humor, Americans, burger, food, food metaphor, Funny, funny phrase, humor, imagine, joke, language, metaphor, nothing, nothing burger, phrase
My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

0

2 months ago

age, body, check, check engine light, engine, health, humor, light, maintenance, self-deprecation, year’s
The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

0

2 months ago

age, chill, cold, death, died, factor, humor, joke, meteorologist, temperature, weather, wind, wind chill
My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

0

2 months ago

communication, conversation, conversations, even, habit, listening, me, relationship, saying, starting, weird, wife
When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

0

2 months ago

disturb, do not disturb, enter, even, great, hour, humor, i, interruption, me, mind, mind palace, oh, okay, palace, pardon, philosopher, precious, privacy, realize, sarcasm, seclusion, solitude, someone
A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

0

4 months ago

ass, both, door, doors, flirtation, flower, flowers, gentleman, hair, humor, man, relationship, soulmate

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

33 shares on Threads this month:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

50 shares on Discord this month:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Just landed via Instagram:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Just shared via YouTube:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Live now on Instagram:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Just shared via Facebook:

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

Just landed via Slack:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Spotted on Pinterest:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Trending via YouTube:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Shared recently on Twitch:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨