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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,462

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Just landed via Reddit:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Trending via Threads:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Trending via Instagram:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

15 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about disbelief, featuring playful words on the company's unusual name.

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Commentary:
Trying to keep a straight face every time I hear it… but they should've considered naming it "StopDaddy" 😂🤔

believe, brand, business, company, company name, GoDaddy, humor, i, name, still, surprise

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10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

27 shares on X this month:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

25 shares on Discord this month:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

15 shares on Slack this month:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

75 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Seen just now on X:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Going viral on WeChat:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m so single right now that I stood on a cliff and shouted, “I love you,” and my echo replied, “I just wanna be friends.”

Going viral on Messenger:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

Making waves on WeChat:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Trending via Reddit:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

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Activity Log ✨

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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