I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

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Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

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I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

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Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

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Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

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Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

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Airbnb should have an option if you just want to use someone’s bathroom for a few minutes.

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This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

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Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

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My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.