Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Trending via Discord:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Just shared via Snapchat:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Shared recently on Slack:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Demon: "I've made a grave mistake." Me: "Welcome to the chaos, buddy!" 😈🤷‍♀️

attitude, back, demon, ever, humor, ID, just, me, possessed, possession, problem, sarcasm, say, sit, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

0

2 months ago

boundary, face, frustration, hard, hit, humor, irony, kiss, know, lips, relationship, say
We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

0

2 months ago

beavis, butthead, humor, ignore, name, shock, shocked, strangeness, wordplay
Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

0

2 months ago

around, baby, being, course, cry, eaten, flying, humor, plane, understanding
Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

0

2 months ago

confidence, daily, daily life, dog, enthusiasm, every, excited, excitement, happen, hell, humor, i, life, man, masculinity, moment, motivation, pet, real, shit, stand, time
A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, behavior, big, car, cars, deep, driving, driving behavior, frustration, humor, i, last, last second, parking, parking space, peeve, people, pet, pet peeve, second, small, small car, space, spot, think
I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

0

2 months ago

communication, frustration, humor, i, mad, me, message, relationship, response, telepathy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on TikTok this month:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

51 shares on Slack this month:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Trending via Threads:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Shared recently on X:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Just landed via Slack:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Just shared via Reddit:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Just shared via Reddit:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨