I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.