Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,572

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Breaking via Reddit:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Breaking via Reddit:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Just landed via YouTube:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Spotted on Messenger:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"That's the kind of card that says 'I love you, but your cooking needs more salt!' 💌🥄🔥"

card, clever, comparison, contrast, gordon, got, heart, humor, humor quote, humorous, humorous comparison, mouth, personality, personality trait, ramsay, sarcasm, savage, savage mouth, sharp, sharp tongue, soft, soft heart, tongue, trait, witty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

0

2 months ago

better, frustration, humor, idiot, idiots, irony, job, keep, making, proof, things, workplace
My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

0

3 months ago

2007, age, born, email, emails, humor, i, intern, millennial, office, older, technology, unread, unread email, year
Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

0

2 months ago

actually, affection, else, humor, i, love, me, meant, realization, relationship, self, self-love, someone, want
I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

0

2 months ago

distraction, fashion, hear, hearing, hoodie, humor, i, saying, strings, uneven, word
I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

0

2 months ago

bike, child, childhood, cry, i, nostalgia, old, skateboard, technology, used, wifi
Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, art, art history, artists, culture, history, humor, mad, ninja, pop, pop culture, renaissance, turtles

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Threads this month:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

October is the situationship of months. So briefly beautiful, but you know the horrors are imminent.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Just shared via Reddit:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Spotted on WeChat:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Trending via Threads:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Breaking via YouTube:

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

Trending via Pinterest:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Going viral on X:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨